As most of you know I lost my mother September 19th funny how my last Blog was one about my life., and the affect she had on it.
Our history was not the loving one that I share with my own children, BUT it made me the woman I am today, for that I'm thankful. I don't write half as well as she did..my words don't flow effortlessly. But the passion behind what I believe in is a direct result of Anita Johnson being such a big influence on my life. Good and bad!
So I dedicate this Blog to my mother, my nemesis, my hero- you will be forever in my heart, I love you and am very proud to be your daughter, again.. sorry I did not live up to the woman you wanted me to be.. I did not become the dancer, the pianist, the singer, the violin player that you wanted.. You did leave me the gift of writing the ability to have my words reach people. My speech, not as eloquent as yours, my diction..needs improvement lol but like you I have something to say. Not on world events, injustices both in history and present times... my love for writing falls in the realm of the world of music and the DJs that play!
Like you, if I don't like something/someone I say/show it ( although I never mastered the art of cutting someone down with ONE look) or the ability to make someone feel like cash shit without uttering one swear word. (im going to work on that). If I believe in something/someone I support it/them 100% like you!
My mother actually liked House music- one DJ in particular she loved- heffa wouldn't even give me the CD back and got mad as hell when I took it back! She liked Delano Smiths mix that I had (before they stole my CD collection) - Terri Johnson had made me a CD full of his mixes.
Before I go any further let me thank those who kept me sane ( musically that is) Earl Mixxin McKinney, Wayne Williams, Brett Morrison, Rick Wilhite, and Jon Easley but mostly it was Alan King- thank you thank you thank you ! After my mom passed I FINALLY got my car back, and I happened to play a CD that I'd gotten from one of the Charivari Detroit crew members- who was a very good DJ back in the day. Judging from the CD I have he still is. Steve Dunbar I must have played that CD 150 times..please make another ASAP!!!
Ok, I'm going to get to the heart of the matter, just allow me a little latitude for a moment!
I ran across a stat today by Craig Loftis- Nu Bang, in that stat he talked about history..I'd commented on the stat and what I said in a nutshell is, history in short is the truth as individuals see it! We may have shared experiences but our individual view of history is bias based on what it meant to us.
My view on the history with my mother is different than others different than her own opinion-but it was history none the less. Interpretation is based on ones own perception/experience.
She taught me to NEVER let anyone write YOUR history! So to those of you who were at the forefront of, "this thing of ours" we thank you! Write the history tell us the story, but remember new stories unfold daily. For those of your who are recent to the DJ/Party goer game..make up your own history but do NOT dismiss or diminish the history of those who came before you. Understand they took something from EVERYTHING and turned it into a musical genre that has spanned more than 30 + years. To the vets I say, give the youngins their props ( but ONLY if they are good)- if someone scews the history call them to the carpet, but do it with respect and love for the music..
I didn't go see my mother in the hospital before she got to the point of no return.. HOLD ON I know you are thinking, "what the hell is wrong with you"?! "HOW DARE YOU NOT GO SEE YOUR MOM"?!...well I'll tell you, we had such a strained relationship that I did not, was not going to be the reason my mother would stroke out. I just figured I would see her when she came home..but she didn't. In the end, I was there and she knew it. My mother (prior to her taking that long walk to meet the Father) told my son she loved me. I can count on one hand and three fingers how many times my mother told ME she loved me. Although I know she did!
In the end none of that mattered. She knew I was there, and it was me that uttered the words, "let her go" it was me that prayed/begged for a miracle as I watched her heart rate slowly fade..it was me who helped prepare her body to be walked to the morgue and said how proud I was of her and that I loved her., and it was me who walked with the staff as I said my last goodbyes to the only woman who was strong enough to take me and all my madness, who never understood my humor/wit and love of people. Even though I tried my hardest not to, I DID understand her! I didn't like her but I loved and respected her.
You may not like the people in this circle but you should respect them, and I'm talkin to the youngins here! They are the REAL reason YOU are! This is your "present" DO NOT lead into the future with negativity. Add your history but don't subtract theirs.
I said that to say, no matter how scewed our history was our present at that time was one of forgiveness, love and blessings. Make your present count!
I don't really know who the "yougnins are" BUT... IMO, if you started DJing AFTER 1990 you a youngin, and I could be dead ass wrong, but that's my story and Im sticking to it!
The future, not sure what my future holds I DO know that I will walk a little differently, because at the time she passed over it seemed as if all she wanted me to be, I became. I got her strength, I got her dignity, Cause you got to be a strong muthafucka to tell the Dr's to let your mother go!
The youngins are keeping, "this thing of ours" relevant, vets...LET THEM! but pull their coat tail if they fuck up! Call em to the carpet if they speak on history that they were not a part of. Teach them/us.
Larry Levan, Frankie Knuckles, Ron Hardy, Ken Collier, Dwayne Montgomery, Aaron Carl. Those brothers shaped and molded the music as my mother shaped and molded me. They are no longer here. She is no longer here.. but they all live on in us! It would be a shame if we let all they did go for not! Know the history, make new history, dance in the present...consider the future, and make it better!
Music is the diary of our lives, let the memories be fond, allow the beats to bang, tell the people who and what they are and why they are., and as Always
Let The Music Play!!
P~
PS., I love you mommy
