Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Let the music play… PJs story!
Im going to share who I am, why I started writing, and what almost stopped me from writing.
This is my story...
I write about everyone because for the most part, I put others before myself... ITS MY TIME TO SHINE!
From the time I can remember I have always yearned to be
accepted. 1st by my mother who joyfully explained that when I was
born, not only was I the funniest looking "THING" out of all of her kids but also just
as gleefully explained that she faked being sick so that she would not have to
be bothered with me the first 5 days of my life!
Growing up wasn’t all that great either, while I had the
BEST dad a little girl could ever wish for. I also had two sisters that hated
the fact that I ever came into the world, and they made damn sure I remembered
that every day of my childhood. No matter
what, I tried my best to get them to love and accept me to no avail. From, allowing other neighborhood kids to
pick on me for being the funny looking little girl with the reddish blond hair,
the chubby but always cute as a button kid.
To letting me know that I was not the little sister they EVER wanted.
Guess they did not want to share our father. Too bad, I was here and always
tried to keep a sunny disposition most important I always tried to get them to
accept me. Was I a brat…ya damn skippee,
was I spoiled, indeed I was. Did I have the BEST of everything, you KNOW it!
But behind closed doors I was the outcast. The sister that wasn’t wanted and
the daughter that my mother decided at the VERY last minute ( April 13, 1968) she did not want to
have. The kid that blended two families
together. I was nobodies’ child.
In our neighborhood soul and funk was the music that drove
us., but I also liked Elton John, The Eagles, Santana, The Doors, Patsy Cline..
I was indeed different!
Then came Disco..WOW I was blown away, it blended the music
that I loved funk, soul, jazz and at times..pop! I was a happy camper.
By this time my eldest sister had gone off to college and I was left with the
other two ( I have 3 sisters just in case you can ‘t do simple math)
The kids in my neighborhood use to tell me I didn’t belong
on Soul Train I belonged on American Band Stand. It’s funny now, but back then
it was meant as a taunt did my sisters EVER come to my defense..ABSOLUTELY NOT!-
but just so I don’t make them out to be total assholes they were older than me
and who has time for their bratty little sister?! I just remember feeling like
“I wish they would defend me” (this would change as we got older).
Time passed and we moved out of our old hood ( cause by this
time it had ceased to be a neighborhood)- here I was stuck on 7 mile and
Livernois, smack in the heart of the upwardly mobile, affluent black community.
Snobs who again- treated me like trash cause I was the new kid who did not fit
in I did not attend Gesu( Newsflash)- the school I did attend was FAR more
affluent than punk ass Gesu.lol
The music turned
Progressive and I felt like I was in some kinda musical heaven/ haven. Around 81’ 82’ I discovered this club on E. 7
mile and John R. It was dark, big, and
loud and I could get lost. In myself in
the music., it soothed my soul, it made
me happy. I can’t tell you who worked
the door, or what DJ was playing that wasn’t my concern. I was there for the
music. I didn’t want to know the players
cause in my mind they were just a bunch of snobby kids- or maybe I just had a
chip on my shoulder..naaaw them niggas was S-N-O-B-S! Point is I didn’t have to be accepted by
anyone. I understood the music, and it accepted me.
Of course me being who I am I still tried to cultivate friendships-
nameless faces of people I can’t remember.
Then my world came crashing down on me. My beloved father
passed away right in front of me and there was nothing I could do to save him.
– A story I won’t share but you get my point! Prior to my fathers passing he
and my mom ( who I still shared a very shaky relationship with) had purchased a
36’ cabin cruiser both it and I were the love of my father’s life. Not to say that my sisters was not as loved.,
they most certainly were., but I was the baby. “The last button on Gabriel’s
coat” as my father would say. He loved
us all equally we were all daddies girls. I just happened to be born last and
they were old so intern I was spoiled.
My mom decided to keep the boat after my fathers passing and in the
summer that left me ample time to be alone and party..if not at my house where
a few high school friends would gather.,then elsewhere in the
neighborhood. It was the time of
Progressive and I like to say the beginning of House. Through it all there was the music. Rap was
in its infancy and of course I LOVED it! But being a Disco fanatic, this new
Progressive form of music had me, hook, line, and sinker.
I never really “hung” with a particular crowd in high school
because most of the kids had known each other for years. Here I was coming from
an affluent school located in Bloomfield Hills. I gained a few friends,
discovered a family member or two..but once again, I was an outsider. What brought us together was the music. Tommy Martin, the DJ, we through a few
parties together. I mean we were by no
means the club kids but we fared pretty well.
Then in the summer of ’84 I met the man who would not only
change my life but gave me the 1st of my greatest gifts.. a backyard
party in Southfield., Marla Woodford’s house. I met my 1st true love..
and the father of my son. Once again, it
was the music that brought us together.
He had on the entire outfit from RUN DMC’s 1st album(
including the hat)- he was from off 8 mile and y'all know how they rolled… and
you could not TELL ME this man was not fine as wine! He was Addias from head to toe.. (i've always
loved a well put together man)- He went to Mumford.. I went to Bene, I remember all too well girls not understanding how this chubby chick could land a dude like
Bernard Foreman..it was simple my personality, charm, and wit! He never understood why I liked
this kinda music. However, he was the one who introduced me to Cheeks nightclub
on 8 mile Rd. Where, I got to hear, Allan Ester and Hotwaxx Hale for the 1st
time. He would take me to Studio 54 and
parties out in Livonia( whatever the name of that hall was). For the 1st
time I did not feel like an outsider.
Since we had a great family structure with our son ( by the
time Brandon was 2 we had broken up) I was able to party.. yeah I went to all
the local hot spots..that’s where I first heard of this DJ Bruce Bailey. Id
already heard of Vernon English.. I was HOUSE by this time. Id heard Earl,
Dwayne, Kevin, Delano, and countless others.
And y'all not gonna believe this but for the life of me I cannot remember
where or when I 1st heard Norm Talley..scuse me, that’s The
Illustrious Norm Talley-in my church lady giving the announcements voice.
Time went on and in 91’ I got a niece, Lauren and my bond
with my sister grew. I was finally getting the love and acceptance I always wanted
from that particular sister. I felt like I finally fit in. ( oh wait,, I think the whole Bruce thing
came after 91’) ANYWHO., it was short lived. She got married, I got married. I
stopped going to parties in fall of 2000 I know cause I got pregnant with my
daughter right after that. I was on the
outside again.
Fast forward..( I know this is a long Blog but it only gets
better I promise) Tomika Murry starts taking me to this club called LoLa’s (
the ink wasn’t even dry on my divorce papers yet)- that damn Thelma lol and
back in the House scene again. It was
246 to me.. the Music Institute, The Club House Tavern. It was Gables, Snobs , Brats, Charivari. (everything
I remembered growing up) I knew the faces but not the names..an outsider.
Then came L!V now M!X.. a job lose and a sick son..a still
horribly bad relationship with my mother., and my sisters and I just were not close. Music became my drug( good thing jobs don't test for partying too hard) I took a deep dive cause I needed an escape. and I found
the perfect pusher. The pusher and I clicked like nobody’s business, inseparable
the Yin to the others Yang.. for the 2nd time in my life I was head
over heels in love and I finally fit in.
I was no longer an outsider, I felt accepted by someone. I found friends I considered sisters.. I found music and places that made my smile through ALL
the bullshit I was going through. I got to meet and become friends with DJs
that I had heard. I met Al Ester, and Hotwaxx and Delano, and Piranha, I got to know Rick as someone more than just
an alum. I was just going through SO
MUCH SHIT!! The only thing that kept me together besides my kids… was the music
and the pusher. So one day I decided to
write., and the Blog was born. Id found my place. What I did NOT count on was the backlash that
would come with it. My thought was that EVERYONE can get along. I was friendly with everybody.. we were going to sing and hold hands and dance.
WRONG!!! WRONG!! What I found was that
things I shared(about MY life) got twisted, talked about, shared with others,
laughed at! I shared because I thought I could trust. I was naïve.. you see
that little girl that always wanted to be accepted, wasn’t., she was a grown
woman..and she (I) looked for acceptance/love. (I) still loved with the same vigor as(she) I had when I was a
child. Only to be looked down upon. Laughed at and talked about. Now I have to admit, had I not shared, then
maybe no one would have anything to say about me( but folks are folks and what
they don’t know they will make up). So I hold accountability too. So here’s the thing.
Your past shapes and molds who you are..but does it define
you? In some instances, yes! Only YOU have the power to change and let it go.
By any means necessary. ( mine was House music and Blogging) I truthfully let it define me., and I let the music and the DJs take me away from all the madness that was going on in my life. All I need are my children and my TRUE
friends/sisters. Let me say this..before
you open your punk ass pie whole about ANYBODY make damn sure you have NEVER
been in a fucked up situation or way. Have some fucking compassion for
others., instead of flippin yo lip and pointing fingers., keeping up shit, trouble making. Some of you act like you are
still in fucking grade school and my dumb ass fell for some of your bullshit
and shenanigans – my fault my bad! For trusting.- but them beats was bangin oh, the music!
Thank you Goddess Stephanie aka Stuff the Puff for showing
me that despite it all still love, but from a far. Thank you Piranha for the
Remix of A Mothers Love., that got me through the toughest times of Brandon’s
illness. Thank you Taz for always playing that song when I was in the club.. Thank you Tomika for NEVER EVER
leaving my side, having those “Come to Jesus meetings” where often times you
played the role of Jesus, and loving me
for exactly who I am. You are the BEST friend anyone could ask for. Thank you
Ron Spears for your poetry, Thank You Marcellus ( that’s my own baby crying)
Pittman- you know why. Thank You Sean Tate for helping me reaffirm my love for
the Lord in the lowest of times. Thank you, Jon Easley for being an ear you are
truly my brother from another mother!. Thank You TJ Dumas for the same. Thank
you Tracey Marvin for pushing me to promote.,
Safe travels to you. Thank you
Delano for this one track you made that I play over and over and over. It has a
voice over of an Al Sharpton sermon- it’s my motivation, sorry I don’t remember
the name. Thank you Angie Vincent-for a
host of things. Thank you Dee-Jay D Former you are forever my brother. Thank
you Earl for trusting me with the Sonic Natives. Thank you Todd Johnson for,
well.. just about everything! Thank You Ms. Iris Renee Cole a true source of inspiration..I LOVE YOU! Thank YOU Kellie Talley- our conversation did not go in one ear and out the other! Now if you could DJ Norm would no longer be my fav lol! Thought I was going to break down that night and you kept me together with your kind words and friendship. thank you thank you thank you! Jackie Lewis you too! Lori Wilson ya helped me find the strength that I'd lost for a hot minute! thank you! Darryl Sanders. Thanks for those affirmations, I read them daily.
I DO fit in.. I am
not LOST! i'm accepted because I..ME ..PJ accept who and what I am, flaws and all! I'm NOT weak, or have low self-esteem. I hurt but I heal! I AM somebody’s child... God's. I’m better for the experience. I learned that not everyone is smart enough to
know what real love and friendship is. Ive learned that you can have someones back 500% and they have yours 25% Not everyone knows how to appreciate
what they have. I learned loved is accepted but not respected and for the selfish and confused often rejected. You taught me to listen and I heard you loud
and clear. Now, let me make this
perfectly clear. Do NOT ever expect appreciation from me., not a conversation,
not a nod, NATHAN!! Call it a character flaw, but once I’ve been treated as if
I NEVER mattered then you can be on the side of the road dying and I will walk
over your soon to be rotting corpse and not think or blink twice. I am no
longer that little girl trapped in a grown woman’s body! I got over my father dying and loosing people
very close to me. My job, my home, my
standard of living, everything I have ever owned. Still I rise! Why, because I,
Paula Michele Johnson..am a PHENOMENAL WOMAN!
I’m still gonna party, I’m still gonna write, I still hate
those 3 bitches.. I'm still gonna smile.. I'm still gonna
Let The Music Play
P~
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